Manage Your Emotions While Dealing With Difficult Clients and Colleagues
3.25.2026
You cannot control difficult people, but you can control how you respond to difficult people.
A New York State Bar Association CLE explained how attorneys can deal with difficult clients and colleagues while protecting their mental health and well-being. More than 500 people attended.
Doug Brown, a law firm leadership coach and chief learning officer at the professional development firm Summit Success, led the program.
“Our ability to manage ourselves and the people around us isn’t just a mental health issue, although it certainly is,” said Brown. “It’s the thing that determines whether we have the career, the practice, and the life that we really want.”
Brown explained that when a person is stressed, it is their amygdala reacting. The amygdala is the primitive part of the brain that responds to threats.
“Our brain can’t tell the difference between the tiger in the bushes and the surprise email from opposing counsel at 5 o’clock on a Friday,” said Brown.
He said that these interpersonal conflicts are governed by emotion instead of logic, and as such, navigating these situations means addressing the emotions driving them. One way to do that is the EASE Model, or Empathize, Actively Listen, Simplify and Share, Evaluate and Empower.
“The first step is to empathize and understand the emotional drivers,” Brown said. “Empathy doesn’t mean sympathy. It doesn’t mean you agree with them, it doesn’t mean you become their therapist – far from it. It’s acknowledging that something is going on with them.”
The second step, Actively Listen, includes giving one’s full attention, asking open-ended questions to understand, and taking time to reflect before responding.
“Active listening is a skill that’s learned over time,” said Brown. “You will find that you will be talking to someone, and you will look at your screen, you will pick up your phone… things that you will do that signal ‘I’m not listening.’ Things that you will do to other people that would frustrate you if they did it to you. Forgive yourself, be aware of it, and take that step to change it.”
Brown said that the third step, Simplify and Share, is especially important for translating complex legal processes to clients to help them understand what is happening.
“Our clients… they’re only coming to you because they don’t have any other options,” said Brown. “There is always some layer of fear, uncertainty, and doubt going on. They don’t want you to complicate it… They want it to be simplified, and they want to understand what they can do.”
The fourth step, Evaluate and Empower, involves reflecting on what worked, what did not work, and planning for the future.
“Did we resolve the tension, and do they have a next step?” said Brown. “A single next step, not a whole plan.”
He emphasized that the EASE Model takes time to practice and learn.
“Where you get stuck in these steps reveals which pattern is blocking you specifically,” said Brown. “Can’t simplify? Maybe you’re afraid of missing something.”
“The issues that we’re dealing with – with mental health and burnout – are not character flaws, they’re chemistry,” said Brown. “We’re doing what our brains are wired to do. It doesn’t make it easier, but at least it can get rid of the shame that goes along with that.”
The seminar was sponsored by the New York State Bar Association’s Committee on Attorney Well-Being. View the full program here.
